What Makes You Beautiful
by LittleTXBelle
Summary: To her, I may have been nothing but a friend, but to me she was something more. Oh so, so much more. She was my life, my light in the dark, my sunshine, my reason for existence, my heart, my soul, my world, my…my everything.  Bella & Paul ALL HUMAN!
1. Prologue

**What Makes You Beautiful**

**Prologue**

* * *

><p>She promised she wouldn't tell a soul. She promised she would keep all my deep dark secrets. She promised she would never leave me. She promised she would always be my best friend. She promised she'd always be by my side. She promised she would always be my shoulder to cry on. She promised she would always support me. She promised, she promised, she promised.<p>

This all apparently meant absolutley nothing to her. Nothing. Nothing at all. My entire world came crashing down around me, shattering into a million fucking tiny little pieces when I read that damn letter she left me. She just walked away from me, from us. No fucking remorse, not a fucking care in the world. Not even a damn goodbye. I can't believe the mother fucking bitch. God dammit why did I ever trust her with my life, my secrets, my heart, my soul? Why did I ever let her break down the walls I had built around my heart? I should've known I was going to get hurt in the end. I should've fucking known.

To her, I may have been nothing but a friend, but to me she was something more. Oh so, so much more. She was my life, my light in the dark, my sunshine, my reason for existence, my heart, my soul, my world, my…my everything. Of course, I never dared tell her this. I probably never would, especially now that she was gone. Forever Gone. I was now forever alone.

My nervously shaking fingers curved around the smooth black metal of the deadly weapon. I held on to it so tightly the deep brown skin of my knuckles turned a pale and sickly white. My thumb played with the safety, on and off, on and off, on and off. He would die tonight. He would not cause me or my family pain anymore. He wouldn't walk all over me anymore. Not now, not ever. His life would end tonight. Maybe I, myself, would be next, but that didn't matter right now.

I crept quietly into the living room. He sat on the torn up couch watching some stupid ass football game sipping on what to have been his like tenth Bud Light tonight. Empty alcohol bottles piled up in the plastic bin beside his chair like tissues when you're in bed with the flu. I tiptoed up slowly and carefully behind him and placed the small pistol against his temple, he was completely unaware of this in his intoxicated state. Mother Fucking Bastard. As I pulled the trigger the same thought came to my mind again. She promised, She promised, She promised…..

* * *

><p><em>AN: So I know I said I was going to rewrite True Love Never Dies and I will, but this story came to me in the middle of English class while we were reading Tale of Two Cities and I just had to write it. I truly hope you enjoy it because I enjoyed writing it. This story will be updated at latest weekly, I'm hoping like every 3 or 4 days though. Please leave a review; I would love to know your thoughts on this story. I think it's going to be one of my best, but truly that is up to the readers, which is you people.<em> _I know its really short but the chapters will be much much longer. Swear._

_-Shelbie of the Theater Twins_


	2. Why Don't You Kiss Her

**Chapter One**

**Why Don't You Kiss Her?**

_AN: Hey guys I'm back already(:  
>I know I'm surprised too…..but this story is just flowing like nobody's business Before we go on with chapter one I'd like to thank all who have made this story a part of their alertfavorites list and the ones who have reviewed! Y'all this means the world to me so special thank you to garose35, Gryffindor4eva, Honiahaka02, Legolas' Girl 31, Lexxy n' the 100, petra ppsilvia, tanny321, danoc, icex1982, miss-glitz, paulswolfgirl2355, PrincessCurlyQ, sprazinko, YadiBuriaDimka, and Meeksmonk.! Now on with chapter one!_

Paul's POV

"Paulie, does this dress look ok on me?" my best friend questioned me from the pedestal she was standing on. Her older brother, Samuel Call, was getting married and somehow she had talked me into coming along to endure this hell she called dress shopping. That beautiful girl had me wrapped around her little finger and she knew it too. I smiled gently at her as she did a little spin for me.

"I don't think this is it baby girl you look like a giant blueberry", I told her with a shit-eating grin. Even though she did look giant fruit, she was beautiful. This girl could wear an old school potato sack and still look drop dead gorgeous. There was no denying it, Isabella Marie Call was a beautiful woman that I was totally and completely in love with. She didn't know it though and if I had any say in it she never would. She was way out of my league.

I was broken out of my little thought bubble by the sound of Bella's Chuck Taylors smacking against the shiny wood of the pedestal as she bounced up to the top again. She smiled at her reflection this time as she spun around a couple of times on the small pedestal. She then turned her attention toward me and I couldn't wipe the smile from my face as her eyes met mine. This dress was perfect for her.

"Oh Paulie, I really hope you like this one, because I think I just feel in love with this dress", she told me, excitement filling her voice as she jumped up and down on the platform. The dress was a navy blue, strapless, empire waist little number. The waist band of the dress was adorned with white lace. It was simple yet elegant and absolutely perfect for Bella. This dress had her practically glowing. This was the one. We would just have not tell Sam or Embry, the over protective Call brothers, about the length of the dress and we would be just fine.

"Baby girl, you look absolutely stunning, this is definitely the one cutie pie", I told her chuckling at her as she spun around in front of the mirror a couple of times. Bella wasn't usually a girly girl hell sometimes the guys and I weren't even sure if she was a girl at all, but when she found a dress she loved, there was no doubt about her gender. Once she had finally stopped her spinning, she looked at me with a shit eating grin on her face as she jumped off the pedestal and headed back into the dressing room.

That damn smile made me want to fuck her right then and there, but I couldn't. I couldn't even kiss her for god sakes. My life was filled with too much drama to bring her into it more then she already was. She came out of the dressing room then, in her tight denim daisy dukes, a purple tank top and her favorite pair of cowboy boots. God, if only that girl knew what she did to me in those damn shorts and boots. Fuck Me Bella please Fuck Me, my body begged. I shook my head clear of those thoughts as she grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the store.

Bella's POV

Paul drove me back to my house after our little shopping adventure. We had spent at least six hours at the mall and I could tell Paul was chomping at the bits to get out of there. Casual conversation passed between the two of us throughout the drive back to my house.

As we pulled up, he leaned over and pressed a sweet and friendly kiss to my cheek. I giggled as I opened the passenger side door of his death machine….I mean truck. The damn thing was three feet off the damn ground. You would think with a best friend like me he would have known better then to get such a tall truck. I still hold to my assumption that he bought it as a cruel joke about my clumsiness. I couldn't even walk in a straight line on a flat surface, much less get out of that three foot tall death trap. It was worse than those damn four inch heels Sam's fiancé Leah was making me wear for the wedding.

Paul chuckled lightly at my expense as I stumbled my way down from my perch on the passenger seat. He laughed again as I tripped over my own two feet once I was safely on the ground. Ok, maybe not safely, but I was on the ground, which was good. I looked up at him again and his eyes sparkled with humor.

"Shut up asshole", I grumbled, suppressing the urge to climb back up in that damn death mobile and smack the crap out of him. I totally would have to, if he wasn't three feet higher up then I was. There was no way in hell I was climbing back up there again after I just got safely back to the ground. I slammed the passenger door in frustration, but he didn't let that phase his happy go lucky attitude. He just smiled and blew me a kiss and wave overdramatically before driving off into the distance, headed home.

As I neared my front door, I could already feel the tears moisten my eyes. My parents were screaming at each other again. God they used to be so happy, but now they couldn't go two seconds without finding something to scream at each other about. There was no denying the inevitable truth. My parent's marriage was never going to be fixed. They were getting divorced, and I was leaving the beautiful place that is Dillon, Texas for the hot and humid climate of Phoenix, Arizona. I was leaving the life I had led since I was born. My friends, my dad, my two overprotective goofs that I called big brothers, but worst of all I was leaving Paul, my best friend, the love of my life, my Paul…..


	3. Dear Paul

Chapter Two  
>Dear Paul….<p>

**AN: See y'all at the end! Hope you enjoy! READ AND REVIEW PLEASE!**

Paul's POV

I dragged my heavily beaten and bruised body out the front door of my hell like abode, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over from the sheer pain that was coursing through my veins. This place could never be called a home, not with my abusive bastard of a sperm donor living there. It would never be the safe haven I longed for it to be. It would always be the place that, even as a child, I was afraid to return to at the end of the day. The memories of the night flashed through my brain, causing my body to shake with anger.

I pulled my old beat up cell phone from the pocket of my basketball shorts and dialed the number of the one person I knew would always be there for me, Bella. She answered on the first ring, as she always did.

"Hey honey bunch", she greeted me brightly, almost making me completely forget about the pain ever present in my aching body. Her constant happiness was contagious. Bella ignited a spark in me, and that little spark kept me alive. Because she lived, my world had twice as many stars in the sky. She was my angel on earth, the reason I carried on when I felt like all hope was lost, the reason I was still breathing. She was the sole source of any light and happiness present in my life.

"Hey baby girl, you think I could crash at your place tonight?" I pleaded with her, trying my hardest to hold back the tears that wanted nothing more to spill over and never stop. I didn't want her to hear me cry. I had to be strong around her. If I wasn't she may start to think I was weak or something and then I'd never have a chance with her.

"Oh Paulie of course you can, you know you're always welcome," she assured me, bringing that little spark of happiness back into my soul. I thanked her politely before hanging up on her, grabbing my overnight bag and guitar case, and walking across the street to the Call's home.

* * *

><p>I tossed and turned throughout the night, trying to get comfortable on the lumpy blue futon in the middle of the Call's living room that I had occupied so many times before. I slept at Bella's house more often than I did at my own. Any other night, I would have been out like a light, but for some reason tonight I just could not fall asleep. My brain would not shut off and was running a mile a minute, thinking of everything from the abuse my father dished out to me daily to the beautiful specimen that is Bella Call. Finally, I just gave up, grabbed my guitar out of its sticker covered case, and headed toward the front door.<p>

I sighed heavily when then late night breeze brushed my cheeks as I opened the door. Glancing up at the midnight black colored sky filled with the bright light of millions of little stars, I desperately attempted to suppress the urge to scream into the dark and seemingly peaceful night until all if my troubles melted away. Oh, if only that were possible. Instead of screaming out and waking the whole neighborhood, I picked up my acoustic guitar off the cracked cement next to me and began to strum lightly, enjoying the feel of the strings underneath my fingers. Soon enough notes and lyrics began flowing through me like the ocean tide onto the shore.

"_I'm gonna break down these walls  
>I built around myself<br>I wanna fall so in love  
>With you and no one else<br>Could ever mean half as much  
>to me as you do now<br>Together we'll move on  
>just don't turn around<br>Let the walls break down" _

God, did every god damned lyric that popped into my mind have to be about Bella? I'm starting to think the man upstairs hates my guts. That girl possessed the key to my heart and soul, but would never know it. She would never she the love I had for her because it was obvious she didn't reciprocate it. Why can't she love me like I love her? Why did I not have the balls to tell her my feelings? My eyes drooped down slowly, suddenly feeling as if they each weighed a ton. I pulled myself up off the porch step and back into the house, curling back onto the futon. Suddenly the mattress below me felt like a cloud, and I fell asleep instantly.

* * *

><p>I awoke to the heavenly aroma of Mrs. Call's delightful cooking. I followed the scent into the kitchen, plopping myself down across from Bella at the island in the middle of the kitchen. Only then did I allow myself to take in the everyday scene that was taking place around me. Bella's mother, Elizabeth Call, was standing at the stove top, cooking breakfast for her family. She had a bright blue apron tied around her waist that was adorned with the handprints of her four children, her long black hair pulled into a tight bun at the top of her head. Bella's father, Andrew Call, was sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on his coffee from a white mug that said WORLDS BEST DAD across it, talking quietly with his son Sam about his upcoming wedding to Emily Young and the obstacles that came with married life. Embry Call, Bella's 17 year old brother, was sitting at the island with Bella helping her with the last of her math homework. Bella was sitting catty-cornered to Embry with a bright smile on her face, giggling at some lame joke Embry made. She wore a short floral skirt, a form fitting pink V-neck top and her favorite pair of cowboy boots. My eyes moved then to the twins, Seth and Leah Call, each of them only six years old. They were sitting quietly at the kitchen table across from Bella's dad and Sam, coloring in some random coloring books that the Call's always seemed to have lying around.<p>

I sighed heavily as Mrs. Call set a plate in front of me. Could this woman be any more perfect? I smiled gently at her and murmured a quick thank you before digging in to the stack of food on my plate. She did the same for each of her four children and her husband, knowing exactly what each of them wanted to eat without even having to ask, before making a plate for herself.

This, right here, is what I wanted. I wanted a loving and supportive father who would talk to me about the obstacles that were indefinitely to come in my life. I wanted a mother who would love and nurture me and cook me breakfast in the mornings. I wanted a family, a home, a place where I could come to and know that no harm would come to me. Is that really too much to ask?

Bella's eyes met mine from across the island, and I could feel the smile spreading across my cheeks. God damn she was beautiful, especially when she smiled like that. Lyrics for yet another song filled my mind, and of course this one was, as always, about the beautiful girl sitting before me.

"_Cause I get weak in the knees,  
>Fall head over heels baby,<br>And every other cheesy cliché,  
>Oh I'm swept off my feet,<br>My heart skips a beat,  
>But there's really only one thing to say,<em>

_God damn, you're beautiful, to me_  
><em>Ohh, you're everything, yeah that's beautiful,<em>  
><em>Yes to me, oh<em>  
><em>Yes to me, oh<em>

_Yeah, you're beautiful_  
><em>Yeah, you're beautiful<em>  
><em>God damn, you're beautiful<em>  
><em>To me, To me."<em>

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

I watched carefully as Paul glanced jealously around the kitchen. He envied my family greatly. This was completely understandable, for the fact that he knew nothing about the problems that were present that my parents were trying so hard to cover up. From what he saw, I had the prefect life, the perfect mother, the perfect father, the perfect brothers and sister, the perfect everything.

Of course, this all was incredibly opposite of the truth. It was what he couldn't see that was causing my family so much heart ache. He couldn't see the constant fighting that always seemed to accompany my parents being in the same room together. He couldn't see the pending divorce that was looming over all of our heads. He didn't know that I was moving the day after Sam's wedding. The sad thing was that he didn't know about any of this because I refused to tell him. Maybe that makes me a horrible friend, but I had my reasons for not telling him. The poor boy had enough on his plate already he didn't need my crap on top of all that. The worst part was that I wasn't planning on saying goodbye. I just couldn't. It would kill me to walk away from him if I did do this in person. Oh lord, how was I going to do this? I pulled a piece of scratch paper from my Algebra spiral and began writing my goodbye to the best friend I had ever and probably will ever have.

_Dear Paul…_

**Author's Note: So I'm glad that this is finally getting posted because I have worked so hard on it and it's my longest chapter yet. I don't own either of the songs nor Twilight. Thank you guys so much your constant support of this story, please keep it coming. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**


	4. Decisions

Chapter Three  
>Decisions<p>

**AN: Ok so this will be short because it is a filler chapter, you people aren't ready for the truth….no just kidding. The thing is, the next full chapter isn't ready yet and the ending to the last chapter sucked so this is kind of an extra little piece. So enjoy. **

_Once was here, now is gone.  
>I will always love forever<br>the laughs, the tears, the smiles  
>without her my life has no direction.<br>no ups, no downs, no smiles, or frowns  
>I miss her, I cry, I see her, I lie,<br>Whatever went I wrong I can mend  
>I will always love forever<br>my very best friend._

Bella's POV

I regretted the decision I made the second I climbed up into the enormous orange and white monster of a UHAL in our drive way, but I was on my way to Arizona now and there was no turning back. The UHAL, from its immense size alone, reminded me of Paul's death machine of a truck. Hell every single thing I saw, heard, tasted, or touched reminded me of him. I refused to allow the tears to fall as I stuck my ear buds in, letting Alex Gaskarth's voice fill my brain, drowning the rest of the world out of my head.

_My ship went down  
>In a sea of sound<br>When I woke up alone I had everything  
>A handful of moments<br>I wish I could change  
>And a tongue like a nightmare<br>That cut like a blade_

_In a city of fools_  
><em>I was careful and cool<em>  
><em>But they tore me apart like a hurricane<em>  
><em>A handful a moments<em>  
><em>I wish I could change<em>  
><em>But I was carried away<em>

_Give me therapy_  
><em>I'm a walking travesty<em>  
><em>But I'm smiling at everything<em>  
><em>Therapy<em>  
><em>You were never a friend to me<em>  
><em>You can keep all your misery<em>

_My lungs gave out_  
><em>As I face the crowd<em>  
><em>I think that keeping this up could be dangerous<em>

_I'm flesh and bone_  
><em>I'm a rolling stone<em>  
><em>And the experts say in delirious<em>

_Give me therapy_  
><em>I'm a walking travesty<em>  
><em>But I'm smiling at everything<em>  
><em>Therapy<em>  
><em>You were never a friend to me<em>  
><em>You can take back your misery<em>

_Arrogant boy_  
><em>Love yourself so no one has to<em>  
><em>They're better off without you (they're better off without you)<em>

_Arrogant boy_  
><em>Cause a scene like you were supposed to<em>  
><em>They'll fall asleep without you<em>  
><em>You're lucky if your memory remains<em>

_Give me therapy_  
><em>I'm a walking travesty<em>  
><em>But I'm smiling at everything<em>  
><em>Therapy<em>  
><em>You were never a friend to me<em>  
><em>You can take back your misery<em>

_Therapy_  
><em>I'm a walking travesty<em>  
><em>But I'm smiling at everything<em>  
><em>Therapy<em>  
><em>You were never a friend to me<em>  
><em>You can choke on your misery<em>

The song came to end, I found myself unable to hold the tears in any longer. I pulled my legs up to my chest and let my tears flow freely down my tanned cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to turn this truck around and run right back into Paul's safe, warm, and inviting arms, but I knew couldn't do that. I knew that without a doubt it was too late to do anything about it now. He had most likely already seen the letter and already hated my guts. It was just a little too late…

Paul's POV

My body slumped to the floor, suddenly losing all will to stand on its on as her cursed words sunk deep into my soul. She had now disappeared from my life, forever and always. The pain and sorrow coursed through my body like the blood in my veins. I just couldn't seem to escape the resentment, anger and pain that filled my mind and body to its full capacity. Present most of all was the anger. I was incredibly angry, angry with her for leaving, angry at myself for letting her slip through my fingers, angry at all the problems my 'father' created in my life which caused her to hold her emotions deep deep inside, I was angry at everything I could possibly be angry about. The anger and resentment boiled up inside me until I just couldn't take it more. I made a life altering decision then. In that very moment I decided that after tonight the cause of all my problems would be no more…


	5. Come One, Come All

Chapter Four  
>Come One, Come All<p>

AN: everything may make a little more sense after this so please enjoy(:

Paul's POV

_My nervously shaking fingers curved around the smooth black metal of the deadly weapon. I held on to it so tightly the deep brown skin of my knuckles turned a pale and sickly white. My thumb played with the safety, on and off, on and off, on and off. He would die tonight. He would not cause me or my family pain anymore. He wouldn't walk all over me anymore. Not now, not ever. His life would end tonight. Maybe I, myself, would be next, but that didn't matter right now._

_ I crept quietly into the living room. He sat on the torn up couch watching some stupid ass football game sipping on what to have been his like tenth Bud Light tonight. Empty alcohol bottles piled up in the plastic bin beside his chair like tissues when you're in bed with the flu. I tiptoed up slowly and carefully behind him and placed the small pistol against his temple, he was completely unaware of this in his intoxicated state. Mother Fucking Bastard. As I pulled the trigger the same thought came to my mind again. She promised, She promised, She promised….._

Police sirens blared their way down the street as my mind took in the scene in front of me. My father's lifeless body slumped and slid down from the armchair and onto the solid concrete floor of the living room. The deed was done, I killed him. I was now branded a killer, a murderer.

_"Mur-der-er." _The word tasted horrendous as I spoke it aloud. I was a cold blooded, ruthless, killer and I'm not sure the fact that he asked for it makes the situation any better. He truly was an ignorant and abusive bastard that truly did not deserve to walk this Earth. He deserved to die.

The heart breaking sounds of my mother's sobs filled the minuscule living space of our humble abode and I shifted my gaze to check on the women who gave me life. Her grief filled eyes met mine from across the room. Her eyes filled with tears as she searched my face for any sign of remorse of which there was none. The only regret I possessed was now being labeled a murderer, but not killing that bastard. For that I had no regrets. I don't understand why my mother could love him after all the shit he had done to her. He raped her, beat her, starved her, drugged her, and assaulted and beat her only son, yet she still chose him over me. She still loves him.

This fact really shouldn't surprise me; it's not as if she ever really cared for me. All I was to her was a mistake, nothing more. I meant nothing to anyone, not my mother, not my 'father', not Bella…..especially not Bella. Bella left me without a word, no goodbye or anything at all like that.

God dammit Bells, why did you have to leave me at the time I truly need you most? You've left me. Now that I've lost you, I feel like I'm dying inside. Depression has this hold on me, taunting me to do harm. Harm against myself, inflict against all others, anyone that stands in my way. I can't let anyone help me, for where would I be if I did? I would still be lost without you. My mind won't shut up, tears always want to fall. I don't think I deserve all the pain that has been cast my way. I don't know how to soldier on, when everything is said and done.

Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago; it's hurting ten times more. I don't necessarily want to be happy; I just want to stop feeling miserable. Maybe one day it will be ok again. That's all I want. I don't care what it takes. I just want to be ok again.

But it's ironic because that's how I live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks I'm doing fine but I'm always dying inside, always one step away from the edge you know? I can't be happy to be who I am because I don't know who I am anymore. I'm young and I'm hopeless... I'm lost and I know this... I'm going nowhere fast... that's what they say... I'm troublesome, I've fallen... I'm angry at my Father... it's me against this world and I don't care. I've come to the point where nothing matters anymore, and things I used to care about aren't worth fighting for. I'm so broken. Not half full, not half empty, not even cracked, I'm just broken. I can't exist anymore. I can barely function. There's nothing left for me, and I don't care.

What is depression really? Is there one concrete definition, or has the meaning loosened as our generation has continued its downhill descent? To me, depression is simply my life. I'm just sad. I've been sad for what feels like my entire life, but that's not true. I was happy once and I can vaguely remember what it felt like, but I can't touch it. I can't get that happiness back, I don't know how. That's what depression is to me, knowing what happiness is, but never being able to touch it, to feel it. Why? Why do I feel so gone? I am now so distant. I just don't belong. I've become so transparent that I lost all substance. Sitting nowhere, breathing fake air. I don't feel anymore, so I can't care. It's about time I clear my throat and let the hellish screams out till I begin to float. I'd run a million miles from here, just to get out of this cage and escape from fear. I know I'm screwed because I crave pain, I wanna bleed all throughout my brain. The blood in my veins is proof of life. I'm not sure if it's there, so I reveal it with a knife. I'm not me anymore, I don't know myself. I'm a prisoner in my own skin, I no longer comprehend health. Every cut I make is for all the people who say they will be there for me but aren't, for the people who say they love me but don't, and for all those broken promises…

"_Come One, Come All  
>You're just in time<br>To witness my first breakdown  
>Cause there's a mile gone<br>For every minute passed  
>When I'm wasting space in this town."<em>


	6. Back To December

Chapter 5  
>Back To December<p>

Author's Note: Firstly I want to thank every single person that has reviewed or added this story as a favorite or alert. Every single one of you is greatly appreciated and I dedicate this entire story to you guys. I also want to say that any song or poem used in this story is not owned by me as well as Twilight. I don't own the characters I just like to throw them into awkward and stressful situations. It's a whole lot of fun you should try it! I am so sorry that this has taken so long to update! I have hit a road block in my writing. I know it's so sad, but I am working to get out of this funk. Thanks so much for putting up with me and reading this! Also I will be rewriting all of my stories before continuing them. I have started with Daughter Of Greatness so if you like House of Night please check that out.

**STORY REPS AMAZING STORIES READ THEM AT ONCE!**  
>The Bride and the Motorbike by NikkiB1973<br>Worthy of the Wolf by jusobele  
>Summer Vacation: Back To Class by Twireader81<br>Three Worthless Years by Lady of Spain  
>Piano Man by .hello<br>Good Girls Go Bad by

Now on to this story…ENJOY!

* * *

><p><strong>Isabella Marie Call.<strong>

"_These days I haven't been sleeping,  
>Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.<br>When your birthday passed and I didn't call.  
>And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,<br>I watched you laughing from the passenger side.  
>Realized that I loved you in the fall.<br>And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind  
>You gave me all your love and all I gave you was Goodbye" - Back To December Taylor Swift.<em>

He's here, there, and everywhere. He's all around and it's killing me. I remember that day, the day I walked away from him, like it was yesterday. Why did I allow myself to walk away like that? God, I'm so in love with him and now, now he'll never ever know. Why am I so stupid? I could call him, but he probably wouldn't answer. He probably hated me. I've taken up writing poetry and music, it's the only way I can let my feelings completely out without cutting. Paul would kill me if he knew I had let that knife touch my skin again, if he knew I enjoyed the pain, if he knew what was going on in my head at this very moment. The thoughts of death, pain, abandonment, lost love, and lost friendship were becoming too much to handle now. So hard in fact, that maybe just maybe, I wouldn't be alive tomorrow. No one would miss me because no one knew something was wrong. Outside I was strong and smiling, but inside I was truly dying. I pulled my beaten up poetry book from my bag and began to write out these feelings.

_Outside lives a girl with a smile that will brighten up the room,  
>yet inside hides a girl with a frown full of despair.<em>

_Outside lives a girl with eyes of joy that brings you to ease,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl shedding tears of sadness.<em>

_Outside lives a girl with a beautiful laugh that's contagious,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl screaming her lungs out in unwanted anger.<em>

_Outside lives a girl with the personality everyone envies,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl full of insecurities and shame.<em>

_Outside lives a girl who is fearless and tough,_  
><em>yet inside hides a weak girl who lives in fear.<em>

_Outside lives a girl full of life,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl full of pain, wanting to die.<em>

_Outside lives a girl with a perfect image,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl with regrets and mistakes.<em>

_Outside lives a girl of innocence,_  
><em>yet inside hides a girl with tremendous guilt.<em>

_Outside lives a girl with goals and aspirations,_  
><em>yet inside lives a girl lost in confusion.<em>

_What you see on the outside is my personal disguise,_  
><em>What hides underneath you can't even begin to imagine.<em>

I have realized something now. I am gone. I'm so far gone no one would even know. So far gone I won't even show. I'm so far gone and there's no way out, so far gone I just want to shout. I'm so far gone no one could ever hear me scream, so far gone no one would hear a thing. So far gone no one would notice me. I'm so far gone drowning in quick sand. So far gone there is no helping hand. I'm too far gone, no one can help me now.

**Paul Daniel Meraz.**

My birthday passed, she didn't call. Not a word from her at all. I sunk into the large chair in the Black's living room. I had now taken up residence here, at Jake's place. His dad was dead set on making sure I knew what it meant to have a father. Lord was he trying his hardest, but it just wasn't working. There was only one person I needed right now and that was Bella.

There were no charges filed against me for the murder of my bastard of a father. It was taken as purely expected based on the emotional and physical abuse he had put me through for years. My mother was taken into custody for possession of illegal drugs and the neglect of her child. She knew all along about the abuse and did nothing to stop it. That leaves me, alone. The fact that my best friend is gone doesn't help much. She's probably not even hurting, this probably isn't affecting her at all. She doesn't give a shit about me or my life. I was naïve in believing that she ever did. That bitch. The worst thing is, I still miss her. The knowledge that she doesn't give a shit about me doesn't change that. It doesn't change the fact that by leaving she ripped my heart out and shredded it into a thousand pieces. It doesn't change that I'm still in love with her. It doesn't change how much that beautiful girl means to me.

Jake sauntered into the room then, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he took in my appearance. I knew I looked like shit, but I didn't care. I wanted my Bella back. I wanted to hold her in my arms and finally admit to her how much I loved her. I knew what she was up to, I had been on her Facebook. She was in a relationship with some tool by the name of James Cameron…..


	7. Out Of Control

Chapter 6  
>Out Of Control<p>

Author's Note: So it has been brought to my attention that it doesn't seem like Bella is in a relationship so this is a little insight into that 'relationship'…..oh just btw there may or may not be a reunion next chapter(;

"_I've never told a lie,  
>And that makes me a liar,<br>I've never made a bet,  
>But we gamble in desire,<br>I've never lit a match,  
>With intent to start a fire,<br>But recently the flames,  
>Are getting out of control<em>" – _All Time Low, Jasey Rae._

**Isabella Marie Call.**

_I talk to him  
>He talks to me.<br>My heart, it swells  
>and begs to be Free.<br>Does he know what's become of me?  
>He hits and shoves<br>Punches galore  
>I know damn well, that it could hurt more.<br>_

_I try not to cry and not show the pain  
>But deep down I know he's winning this 'game'.<br>To me he's perfect but oh so very vain.  
>I will never, ever overcome this pain.<br>I'm nothing but a punching bag, to quench his anger's thirst  
>I grab my arm, and limp off to the nurse.<br>She asks what's wrong  
>I lie and say I fell.<br>_

_Why do I constantly go through with this hell?  
>These tears are for him, and that I hope he knows.<br>These emotions, this pain...why must it show?  
>If I hide it away, I'd be lying to myself.<br>He's abusive and cruel….._

His loud footsteps broke me out of my thoughts. I hurriedly stuffed my poetry book into my bag, and stood up ready for whatever he was mad about now. James and I have been 'together' for about six months now, if together is what you want to call it. If him coming over in the middle of the night just to beat the shit out of me and rape me is considered love, then you could even say he loves me. I know better. I know this isn't how a relationship should be, but there's just no way out. I knew all I was to him was a punching bag, nothing more.

When James and I first got together, he was the perfect boyfriend. I told him everything, even about Paul. He held me close when I cried and reassured me that everything was going to be all right. In those moments, I never thought he would turn on me the way he has.

His transformation started out slow. His drinking increased, as did his drug intake. He started illegally street-racing with his boys. He said it was all in good fun and not to worry about it, but I, as his girlfriend, naturally worried about him. I voiced these fears to him and he'd only tell me to shut up, that my fears of his safety were irrelevant. My worries persisted though as did his reckless activities, and soon enough the verbal abuse turned physical and soon enough, sexual.

Our relationship hasn't changed much since then, he still abuses me every day, without fail, but I hide it. I live with Sam now. Mom died about two months after we moved here to Phoniex and Sam's wife Emily followed soon after. She passed away giving birth to their son Blake. Blake is just about 4 months old now, and is just the sweetest baby in the world.

I can't let James' abuse get to me, I have to be strong. I am the only mother like figure Blake has in his life. I can't tell Sam what's going on, James would kill him if I did and I can't have Blake be completely alone like that. There's only one person I could ever truly tell what's going on and that is Paul, but of course I can't tell him. Paul would never talk to me, not in a million years.

My bedroom door was flung open then, only to reveal a very intoxicated James standing on the other side with a lustful smirk on his face as he looked at me. I felt filthy and violated just with him looking at me like that. I knew what was coming, there was nothing I could do to stop it. I took a deep breath and reminded myself I had to be strong, for Blake, for Sam, for my sanity, for my life….


	8. Damned If I Do Ya

**Author's Note: **So I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update this story, I've had the chapter written I just had no time to type it! So again I'm sorry.

Y'all check out **RubyDragonJewel**'s stories. I will be acting as her beta reader from now on, she has a great talent, just some grammar issues that are easily fixed, and y'all should totally check her out.

I really hope y'all are enjoying this story, once I complete My Marine, I will move to one of my other stories to complete, not including Hate That You Don't Love Me and this story. That's where y'all come in, I need you to PM me or review on the story you want completed and the one with the most votes will be completed first. THANKS A BUNCH! Daughter of Greatness is under revision, but is also in the running.

We are up to 22 reviews here and I'd like to thank every single one of you that has left me your love. I do ask that y'all leave your honest opinions, good or bad. If there is something you don't like or don't understand please let me know and I will clear it up ASAP! I love to hear your input so please don't be afraid to leave it! I know y'all love to tell me how good it is and such but please also include something you didn't like; I would love to hear it.

Well, on with chapter seven it's short but action packed, so please ENJOY AND REVIEW!

**Chapter 7  
>Damned If I Do Ya<strong>

"_I fought it for a long time now while drowning in a river of denial._

_I washed up, fixed up, picked up, all my broken things,_

'_Cause you left me police tape, chalk line,_

_Tequila shots in the dark scene of the crime…"_

_-Damned If I Do Ya, Damned If I Don't by All Time Low_

**Paul Daniel Meraz**

The smell of freshly baked cupcakes had led us here, a small bakery called _Love at First Bite._ All I wanted from this place was a decent cupcake, but what I got was, arguably, much better. Jake pushed the door open and a small bell resonated through the shop. The girl at the counter toward us with a lively, but quite obviously forced smile as the door closed with a loud thud.

"Hello boys, welcome to _Love at First Bite_, what can I do for y'all?" she questioned us cheerfully, the smile never leaving her face and never reaching her eyes. Holy shit, I knew that voice! It couldn't really be her though, could it? If it was her, she had lost some serious weight and the glow she usually has about her is long gone now. There are dark black circles under her eyes and she seems to have a small limp when she walks. This girl looks so much like her, but it can't really be. If it is, what the hell happened?

"Bells?" I asked timidly, stepping toward her ever so slowly as to not freak her out. Her lifeless brown eyes met mine and she froze in place, tears quickly welling up in her eyes. This was her that much I was sure of. The question now was why she was so damn lifeless, and why in the world she is limping when she walks. The door chime bell thing rang again and a tall, heavily muscled blonde man walked into the small bakery. Bella's eyes snapped up to this man before she turned and jogged to the counter.

"Anna take care of these boys, I have some things I need to take care of," she gasped out, fear staining her vocals as she quickly disappeared into what I assumed to be the kitchen, the creepy blonde man following close behind.

"**Something's telling me to leave, but I won't,**

'**Cause I'm damned if I do ya, damned if I don't."  
><strong> 

I followed my Bella, quietly of course. I couldn't help it, I had to talk to her; I had to know what the hell was going on in her life. I had been angry with her for the longest time but now, after seeing her again, I couldn't find it within me to hate her. Her chocolate brown eyes, lifeless as they may be, had taken my soul captive once again and there was truly no way out. Isabella held my heart in her hands, like she always had. I was foolish to think she ever didn't have complete possession of it. Present in my life or not, she had my heart and will have it forever and always. Sadly enough, I wasn't nor would I ever be in possession of hers. James Cameron had her heart and this in and of itself pissed me off to no end. Why couldn't she just have fallen in love with me? We could have been so happy together, but no she had to go and leave me first chance she got.

The sounds of quiet whimpering broke me out of my internal rant; my eyes snapped up to gaze around me, looking for the source of the sound. Finding nothing I moved forward into the kitchen area, continuing my search for Bella. I found her, but not in the position I ever wanted to see her in. It was almost like my past was coming alive again, but this time in the form of my best friend.

This blonde man had my Bella pinned against the south wall of the kitchen, screaming at her about how much of a whore she was, hitting any part of her that was within his reach. Small heartbreaking sobs escaped Bella's mouth as she fought against his hold. Realizing this attempt was futile, she attempted to calm him.

"James honey, they're just old friends of mine, nothing special. I'm not sleeping with any of them I swear to god. Baby please just calm down", she cried, trying so very desperately to escape the pain James was causing her. Wait a second, her new boyfriend's name was James…could this be him? My Bella had done the one thing I swore I would never let happen to her and gotten herself mixed into a relationship with a man that was abusing her.

I had promised my band mates, Jacob, Jared, and Jasper, at the beginning of this tour that I wouldn't mope over Bella anymore, but seeing her today, so comatose and miserable, had changed everything. Her personal glow had dulled so much that it was practically gone, that sparkle in her eyes was no longer present, and her smile never reached her as they were never real, she had dark circles under her eyes, she was obviously underweight, and her skin was an overly unhealthy pale and sickly white. It sickened me to see her like this, to see what that ass hole had done to her. I couldn't watch that bastard beat on my Bella any longer, so I did the one thing I knew how to do in situations like this, **attack**.

"**Do you feel like a man when you push her around?**

**Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?"**

**-Face Down by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

Author's Note: I told y'all it is really short, but it is full of action and it's really the climax of our story. Bella and Paul will be back in each other's lives from now on, so not to worry there is plenty of loving coming your way soon enough. Please review, let me know what you think and how I can improve. Oh and don't forget to VOTE! (if you don't know what I'm talking about see first author's note) Well, thank you guys.

Until next time,  
>Shelbie of The Theater Twins.<p> 


	9. Still An Innocent

**What Makes You Beautiful  
>Chapter Eight: Still an Innocent<strong>

"_It's alright, just wait and see_

_Your string of lights is still bright to me_

_Oh, who you are is not where you've been._

_You're still an innocent…"_

_-Innocent by Taylor Swift_

**Isabella Call **

Beep. Beep. Beep. Nurse, can you... Beep. Beep. Doctor the patient is… Beep. Beep. Beep. The familiar sounds of the hospital filled my ears as consciousness came over me. Unfamiliar voices surrounded me, one in particular getting seemingly closer and closer with each vocalized word. My eyes fluttered open; I struggled to sit up right, only to slump down again from the throbbing pain. Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked around the room, frantically looking for James. He would kill me if he knew I was in a damn hospital, no one could know about the abuse I lived through on a daily basis. Paul's beautiful eyes met mine and all the memories of what had transpired came to me full force. The hospital room disappeared around me and I was transported back to what had happened earlier today.

"_Paul! Paul STOP IT!" I screamed, my voice cracking like a teenage boy going through puberty. He was beating the shit out of James for hurting me, yelling about how you should never touch a woman in that way. Why was he protecting me when I left him the way I did? Why did he still care so much? __Jacob, Jared, and Jasper burst through the door about five seconds later, yanking a kicking and screaming Paul off of a very beaten up and bloody James Cameron._

"_YOU SICK BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER? SHE DIDN'T EVER DO ANYTHING TO YOU; SHE'S TO DAMN SWEET FOR THAT! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? YOU'RE THE REASON SHE'S LIMPING AREN'T YOU! MY BELLA DOESN'T DESERVE ANY OF THIS AND YOU CAN SURE AS HELL BET HER DADDY AND OLDER BROTHER WILL BE HEARING ABOUT THIS AND THEY WILL KILL YOU! I CAN PROMISE YOU FROM NOW ON YOU WILL NEVER SEE HER EVER AGAIN!" Paul screamed at the top of his lungs, before picking my limp body up in his shaking arms. I cuddled into his him comforted by the warm embrace of my best friend. That is the last thing I remember before everything blacked out._

"Bells you feeling alright beautiful?"Paul's worried voice alerted me to my immediate surroundings. I was still in the hospital and James was nowhere in sight, thank goodness. I began to nod in the affirmative that I was…alright. I was okay, right? I wasn't too sure anymore. James had taken everything from me, my virginity, my happiness, my innocence, my life, everything. I had nothing left, nothing to offer anyone. Tears began to well up in my eyes as I realized I wasn't alright, not in the least. A pair of warm arms wrapped around me and I looked up to see Paul sitting there with a big smile on his face. He kissed my cheek swiftly and then began to sing to me.

**_"On the days I can't see your eyes,  
>I don't even want to, open mine.<br>On the days I can't see your smile,  
>Well I'd rather sit, wait the while.<br>For the days I know you'll be near,  
>'Cause a day without you, it just isn't fair.<br>See the days I can hear you voice,  
>I'm left without a choice.<em>**

**_'Cause I get weak in the knees,_**  
><strong><em>Fall head over heels baby,<em>**  
><strong><em>And every other cheesy cliché'.<em>**  
><strong><em>Yes I'm swept off my feet;<em>**  
><strong><em>Oh my heart skips a beat.<em>**  
><strong><em>But there's really only one thing to say.<em>**

**_God damn you're beautiful to me,_**  
><strong><em>You're everything, yeah that's beautiful<em>**  
><strong><em>Yes to me, Ohh<em>**

**_I can't find the words to explain,  
>Just how much you got me going insane.<br>When you speak to me sometimes we'll find,  
>Oh I stutter my words, I say never mind.<br>'Cause even when you just walk by,  
>Well I look around to seem occupied.<br>'Cause I'm trying so hard to hide,  
>Yeah, all of these feelings inside.<em>**

**_'Cause I get weak in the knees,_**  
><strong><em>Fall head over heels baby,<em>**  
><strong><em>and every other cheesy cliché'.<em>**  
><strong><em>Ohh I'm swept off my feet,<em>**  
><strong><em>My heart skips a beat.<em>**  
><strong><em>But there's really only one thing to say.<em>**

**_God damn you're beautiful to me, Ohh_**  
><strong><em>You're everything, Yeah, that's beautiful<em>**  
><strong><em>Yes to me, Ohh<em>**  
><strong><em>Yes to me, Ohh<em>**

**_Yeah you're beautiful..._**  
><strong><em>Yeah you're beautiful...<em>**  
><strong><em>God damn, you're beautiful,<em>**  
><strong><em>To me, To me"<em>**

The tears in my eyes finally spilled over, but this time out of happiness. I had my best friend back and that was all I'd ever need in my life. He loved me that much I could collect from the words to the song and he knew I wasn't ready for another relationship quite yet, but I was sure he would still be here when I was ready for him. A loud booming voice penetrated my bubble then and I looked up to see my older brother standing in front of me. Embry was dressed in his full army greens, arms held wide open just waiting for me. Paul let go of me reluctantly, getting up to allow my brother to console my emotions.

"Emmy I missed you so much," I hiccupped through my tears as his strong arms wound tightly around my waist.

"I missed you too baby sis, Paul told me everything that he knew the second I got here. If I ever see that bastard again I'll kill him I really will. Sam knows too by the way. He was here earlier, but just took Blake out for dinner and Dad is on his way here. Baby there will be justice for what happened to you I swear it" He whispered to me. I realized it then. I was home, safe and sound. Home is where the heart is and my heart is where ever my friends and family are, and they were all here right now keeping me safe and making me feel loved even after all the crap I put them through while James and I were dating. Embry pressed a sweet kiss to my temple as my father entered the room and crouched down in front of me.

"Baby girl, you know that what happened doesn't change who you are right? You will always and forever be my beautiful girl just like Leah. I know I'm not your mother and I may not be as easy to talk to, but you can talk to me about anything you need to and you can talk to Sam and Embry too. You mean the world to me and I am sure your mother would come down from heaven and kill me if I ever let anything happen to you again. No matter what happened with James you are still completely innocent, he can't take that away from you," My father told me quietly, holding my small, pale hands in his. He was right and I knew it. I could and I would get through this. I was _still an innocent. _

**Author's Note:**I really hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. It's cute right? Bella and Paul are reunited for good now, but the drama in their lives is nowhere near over. I don't own the song used in this chapter as it is by Chester See. It is a beautiful song though. Well REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	10. Lucky

**Chapter Nine  
>Lucky<strong>

"_I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend_

_Lucky to have been where I have been_

_Lucky to be coming home again_

_Lucky we're in love every way_

_Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed_

_Lucky to be coming home someday"_

_-Lucky by Jason Mraz_

**Paul Daniel Meraz**

After Bella was released from the hospital, we were able to reconnect as friends and rebuild our relationship. Five months have now passed, How far have we come? I still love her deeply and I can only pray she feels the same. I don't want the emotional barriers anymore; I want to let her in. Gazing at her as we sit on the dock by the lake our lake, I search deep in her eyes for a glimpse of compassion, of want. She takes a deep, calming breath, and then whispers in my ear that she trusts me with her heart; she's ready to give us a try. It's what I've been dying to hear. All worries subside as her sweet lips kiss mine; all I can think and feel is her. I love her warmth, her touch, and our hearts beating in time. I now have no doubts that we are made for each other. I'm helplessly in love with my best friend and there is nothing I can or really want to do about it.

I take her with me to band rehearsal the next morning as she is the inspiration for the song I have in my head and I want her to hear it, I want her to understand my feelings for her. I set my trusty acoustic on my lap, Bella sitting next to me on the old beat up couch in my garage and I begin to sing, looking straight into her eyes the entire time, the eyes of the girl I love.

_I like you  
>Girl you don't got nothing to prove to me<br>I know that times have been rough  
>For the both of us<em>

_But I'll pray for a change_

_You see this world has lots to offer_  
><em>But in time it will go dark,<em>  
><em>And if this love is what we see it is<em>  
><em>I'm sure we will go far<em>  
><em>And with a girl as sweet as you<em>  
><em>There's not much else I can do<em>  
><em>But fall for you<em>  
><em><br>You know that I'm a wreck  
>And you know I can't breathe<br>At the edge of my seat with each word  
>As the months turn into years<br>Just know that I will wait... here,  
>For you<em>

_Cause I prayed for a change_

_You see this world has lots to offer_  
><em>But in time it will go dark,<em>  
><em>And if this love is what we see it is<em>  
><em>I'm sure we will go far<em>  
><em>And with a girl as sweet as you<em>  
><em>There's not much else I can do<em>  
><em>But fall for you<em>  
><em>For you<em>  
><em>For you<em>  
><em>For you<em>

_This world has lots to offer_  
><em>But in time it will go dark,<em>  
><em>And if this love is what we see it is<em>  
><em>I'm sure we will go far<em>  
><em>And with a girl as sweet as you<em>  
><em>There's not much else I can do<em>  
><em>But fall for you<em>

_(Hummingbird by Never Shout Never)_

Her eyes are filled with tears by the end of the song and once I set my guitar down she flies into my arms, kissing me with all the passion and love she can. From the outside, we seem like a normal couple without a care in the world, but we know better. Our relationship is nowhere near perfect, but it's getting better. Bella doesn't trust me, or any other male for that matter, to get too close to her. She hasn't since, well since James. She still has nightmares of him almost every night, she'll wake up screaming and calling for her mother who sadly enough isn't here to help fix it. I can't help, she won't let me. She tells me over and over that she's fine, that she doesn't need my help, but she does. She's gone back to cutting consequently bringing me back to that as well. She may not realize it but her emotions feed mine, everything she feels I swear I could feel to. It's quite freaky sometimes.

After Bella left, many of my romantic escapades were just a means of simply avoiding being by myself. I was afraid of feeling lonely, afraid I wouldn't know what to say to myself. Now that Bella and I were together, I wasn't avoiding being by myself I was avoiding Bella being by herself. I didn't trust her to be alone; she would hurt herself, most likely severely, if I let her be. She didn't mean to be that way, she just was. Now I know this all sounds crazy and horrible, but if you would have seen her five months ago, locked in her closet with a knife to her wrist tears streaming down her face as she welcomed the pain welcomed the feeling of being closer and closer to death, you would see that this is a blessing. The boys and I had made it our duty to make Bella better.

We were all back in Dillion now, Bella's dad had relocated her here after James was brought into prison under charges of domestic abuse and rape and Bella was released from the hospital in Phoenix. The bakery had been relocated here and my Bella was home, home for good. Meeting Bella was fate, becoming her friend was a choice, but falling in love with her I had no control over.

**Author's Note: HEY GUYS! Still looking for a beta for this story so any mistakes are all mine! I hope you enjoy this and if you do or even if you don't please let me know in a REVIEW!(: **

**Lots of Love,**

**Shelbie.**


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